SAT寫作范文點評之Fantasy and Imagination
下面是一篇關于Fantasy and Imagination的SAT寫作范文的點評，對于一篇SAT寫作范文的每一段，每一個語言點都進行了詳細的點評，指出了可以改進的地方，對大家的寫作幫助很大。下面是詳細內(nèi)容，供大家參考。
Topic: Fantasy and Imagination
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below.
When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come close to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge.- Albert Einstein
There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste.- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Assignment: Do you believe that fantasy or imagination is more important than knowledge? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences, or observations.
第一段
Where did the knowledge come from? It comes from discoveries and inventions. So its not difficult to deduce that the original source of knowledge is fantasy or imagination that can accelerate the progress in both scientific and article fields. Theres no doubt that is theres no imagination or fantasy at all, knowledge will never exists. So its not difficult to get the answer that talent of creativity is more critical for us than the ability to absorb certain knowledge.
語言修改
Where does knowledge come from? It comes from discoveries and inventions. So its not difficult to deduce that the original source of knowledge is fantasy or imagination that can accelerate the progress in both scientific and artistic fields. There is no doubt that without imagination or fantasy knowledge would never exist. Therefore, its not difficult to conclude that talent and creativity are more critical than the ability to absorb knowledge.
本段評點
知識來自發(fā)現(xiàn)和發(fā)明。所以，知識的來源是幻想和想象。這句話既違反邏輯，也不符合事實。人類的許多發(fā)現(xiàn)，比如火，比如青霉素，天花疫苗，比如美洲大陸，都是偶然發(fā)現(xiàn)的, 與想象力或者幻想沒有任何關系。后面的一句，毫無疑問，沒有想象和幻想，知識將不存在。這句話也讓人捏把汗，果真是毫無疑問嗎?通過前面兩個非常有問題的觀點，是無法得出 創(chuàng)造力比吸收知識更重要這個結(jié)論的。這一段給人的感覺是宣布了好幾個論點, 而且有的論點明顯違反常識。所以這個開頭段非常失敗。
第二段
Invention is the result of a creative process, and those inventions or discoveries are often examples taught in todays class. Take electronic light as an example, the inventor of it is Edison who had created many things we are using today. He had done more than 3000 experiments before he finally found the correct material that can light enough and not easy to melt at a really high temperature. During his 3000 experiments, he imagines everything in his daily life, including iron, bamboo and even the red beard of his colleagues. His patience and curiosity together with his imagination and fantasy helped him successfully invented the light bulb that we are still using nowadays.
語言修改
Invention is the result of a creative process, and those inventions or discoveries are often examples taught in todays class. Take electric bulb as an example, the inventor, Edison, created many things we are using today. He conducted over 3,000 experiments before he found the correct material to create light and did not melt at high temperatures. During those 3,000 experiments he imagined using many things including iron, bamboo, and even his colleagues red beard. His patience and curiosity together with imagination and fantasy helped him to successfully invent the light bulb that we still use to this day.
本段評點
這一段用了愛迪生發(fā)明燈泡的例子。這個例子用在這里雖然沒有什么錯誤，但是從中學作文，到大學四六級作文，到考研，到托福和GRE作文，不論是什么題目，中國學生都喜歡使用這個例子。這樣給老外一個印象，中國學生知道的事情實在太少。這個例子里面還有個小錯誤，那就是愛迪生發(fā)明的不是電，而是電燈。
第三段
Not only scientists need creativity but also artists need it. The well known artist von Gothe used to say that: theres nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. By that he emphasized the significance of taste. However, as matter of fact, in his renowned painting about stars at night, he portrayed a world full of imagination, for instance the star under his pen is just like a whirlpool that gives us infinite fantasy about space and universe.
語言修改
Not only scientists but also artists need creativity. The well known artist von Gothe used to say that: theres nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. By that he emphasized the significance of taste. However, in his renowned painting of stars at night, he presented a world full of imagination such as the stars under his brush are like a whirlpool that allows us infinite fantasies about space and the universe.
本段評點
以上的例子中把作家歌德和畫家梵高混淆了。不過這段中作者對于《星空》這幅畫的描寫給讀者留下很好的印象。由此可以看出本文作者興趣廣泛，而且能用自己的語言描述梵高名畫《星空》，著實不易。作者在文章寫道：for instance the star under his pen is just like whirlpool that gives us infinite fantasy about space and universe.看過梵高名畫《星空》的讀者，應該知道作者的描述比較準確?？梢姡髡邞摫容^喜歡藝術，最起碼應該看過梵高的一些畫集。
第四段
Between knowledge and creativity, which one is more important? As far as I considered, knowledge is just based on imagination and fantasy of the people in the past. So we apparently draw the conclusion that ability of creativity is more critical for us than the capability of absorb certain positive knowledge.
語言修改
Between knowledge and creativity, which one is more important? As far as I am concerned, knowledge is based on the imagination and fantasy of people in the past. Therefore, we can draw the conclusion that creativity is more critical than the absorption of certain knowledge.
本段評點
結(jié)尾段簡單地重復了第一段的意思，仍舊是說知識是建立在想象和幻想的基礎上的，而且自身段落中的兩句話在意思上也是重復的。這樣的結(jié)尾段不是很有力，給讀者的感覺是可有可無，沒有起到突出強化自己論點的作用。
對這篇SAT寫作范文的總評
這篇SAT寫作范文開頭段采用疑問句的方式，這樣可以吸引閱卷人的注意力，引起興趣。但本文的最大亮點在于中間舉例很生動，而且全面。文章一共舉了兩個例子，第一個例子是愛迪生靠想像力發(fā)明了燈泡，第二個例子是荷蘭著名畫家梵高充滿想像力的名畫《星空》。兩個例子一個講科學家，一個講藝術家，都強調(diào)了想像力的重要性，支持了作者的觀點。
下面講一點這篇SAT寫作范文的缺點。開頭段應該是作者提出自己的論點的段落，下文要舉出具體的事例支持相應的論點。作者在這里用了兩個so開頭的長句子，讓讀者感覺好像前文已經(jīng)論證，這里能得出結(jié)論了似的，而且作者的觀點有嚴重的邏輯錯誤。
總體而言，這篇SAT寫作范文存在一定的問題，特別需要修改第一段，使其能夠開宗明義，即明確提出自己合乎邏輯的論點，然后再用生動具體的例子娓娓道來，即論證支持自己的觀點。
這里是文章的開頭段，前面沒有任何的論證和推理，何來So呢?不要在句子的開頭就用so，因為這時候沒有因此可言。
So引導的表示結(jié)果的句子一般放在表示原因的句子的后面，單句不要以so開頭，上下文之間可以用therefore表結(jié)果。
原文用了that is theres 顯得過于冗贅，直接用without表示在沒有的情況下使句子簡潔。例如，Without your help we could not have finished the work. 比If you had not helped us, we could not have finished the work.更加簡練。
這里沒有必要用the inventor of it而且用了這個結(jié)構(gòu)還導致了后面不得不用一個who引導的定語從句，使整句話啰嗦。換一種說法：Its inventor Edison created many things we are using today.
Invented是不對的，因為help的結(jié)構(gòu)是help sb. do sth.或help sb. to do sth.
Experiment通常和conduct, carry out, perform搭配表示做實驗。
As matter of fact在這里沒有表達任何有效信息。
Pen指的是用墨水或類似液體書寫、繪畫的工具，畫家用的畫筆應是brush.
Not onlybut also連接的是一組平行結(jié)構(gòu)，當用這組詞把平行成分連接起來，這個平行結(jié)構(gòu)所共有部分不用重復，如這里的need不用寫兩遍。
As far as I am concerned 一般用于提出自己與別人不同的觀點，用在此處不恰當。另外，Just用在這里不能表達知識恰恰是基于人們的想象的，如果非要表達正式基于此而非其他，可以改成Knowledge is based on nothing but the imagination and fantasy of people in the past.
不要用So引導的句子開頭。
以上就是對這篇SAT寫作范文的詳細點評，包括了每一段的點評和最后總的點評。這篇SAT寫作范文在寫作例子的應用上很成功，是大家可以借鑒的地方，而在寫作的結(jié)構(gòu)和語法的應用方面有一些欠缺，是大家需要避免的地方。
下面是一篇關于Fantasy and Imagination的SAT寫作范文的點評，對于一篇SAT寫作范文的每一段，每一個語言點都進行了詳細的點評，指出了可以改進的地方，對大家的寫作幫助很大。下面是詳細內(nèi)容，供大家參考。
Topic: Fantasy and Imagination
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below.
When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come close to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge.- Albert Einstein
There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste.- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Assignment: Do you believe that fantasy or imagination is more important than knowledge? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences, or observations.
第一段
Where did the knowledge come from? It comes from discoveries and inventions. So its not difficult to deduce that the original source of knowledge is fantasy or imagination that can accelerate the progress in both scientific and article fields. Theres no doubt that is theres no imagination or fantasy at all, knowledge will never exists. So its not difficult to get the answer that talent of creativity is more critical for us than the ability to absorb certain knowledge.
語言修改
Where does knowledge come from? It comes from discoveries and inventions. So its not difficult to deduce that the original source of knowledge is fantasy or imagination that can accelerate the progress in both scientific and artistic fields. There is no doubt that without imagination or fantasy knowledge would never exist. Therefore, its not difficult to conclude that talent and creativity are more critical than the ability to absorb knowledge.
本段評點
知識來自發(fā)現(xiàn)和發(fā)明。所以，知識的來源是幻想和想象。這句話既違反邏輯，也不符合事實。人類的許多發(fā)現(xiàn)，比如火，比如青霉素，天花疫苗，比如美洲大陸，都是偶然發(fā)現(xiàn)的, 與想象力或者幻想沒有任何關系。后面的一句，毫無疑問，沒有想象和幻想，知識將不存在。這句話也讓人捏把汗，果真是毫無疑問嗎?通過前面兩個非常有問題的觀點，是無法得出 創(chuàng)造力比吸收知識更重要這個結(jié)論的。這一段給人的感覺是宣布了好幾個論點, 而且有的論點明顯違反常識。所以這個開頭段非常失敗。
第二段
Invention is the result of a creative process, and those inventions or discoveries are often examples taught in todays class. Take electronic light as an example, the inventor of it is Edison who had created many things we are using today. He had done more than 3000 experiments before he finally found the correct material that can light enough and not easy to melt at a really high temperature. During his 3000 experiments, he imagines everything in his daily life, including iron, bamboo and even the red beard of his colleagues. His patience and curiosity together with his imagination and fantasy helped him successfully invented the light bulb that we are still using nowadays.
語言修改
Invention is the result of a creative process, and those inventions or discoveries are often examples taught in todays class. Take electric bulb as an example, the inventor, Edison, created many things we are using today. He conducted over 3,000 experiments before he found the correct material to create light and did not melt at high temperatures. During those 3,000 experiments he imagined using many things including iron, bamboo, and even his colleagues red beard. His patience and curiosity together with imagination and fantasy helped him to successfully invent the light bulb that we still use to this day.
本段評點
這一段用了愛迪生發(fā)明燈泡的例子。這個例子用在這里雖然沒有什么錯誤，但是從中學作文，到大學四六級作文，到考研，到托福和GRE作文，不論是什么題目，中國學生都喜歡使用這個例子。這樣給老外一個印象，中國學生知道的事情實在太少。這個例子里面還有個小錯誤，那就是愛迪生發(fā)明的不是電，而是電燈。
第三段
Not only scientists need creativity but also artists need it. The well known artist von Gothe used to say that: theres nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. By that he emphasized the significance of taste. However, as matter of fact, in his renowned painting about stars at night, he portrayed a world full of imagination, for instance the star under his pen is just like a whirlpool that gives us infinite fantasy about space and universe.
語言修改
Not only scientists but also artists need creativity. The well known artist von Gothe used to say that: theres nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. By that he emphasized the significance of taste. However, in his renowned painting of stars at night, he presented a world full of imagination such as the stars under his brush are like a whirlpool that allows us infinite fantasies about space and the universe.
本段評點
以上的例子中把作家歌德和畫家梵高混淆了。不過這段中作者對于《星空》這幅畫的描寫給讀者留下很好的印象。由此可以看出本文作者興趣廣泛，而且能用自己的語言描述梵高名畫《星空》，著實不易。作者在文章寫道：for instance the star under his pen is just like whirlpool that gives us infinite fantasy about space and universe.看過梵高名畫《星空》的讀者，應該知道作者的描述比較準確。可見，作者應該比較喜歡藝術，最起碼應該看過梵高的一些畫集。
第四段
Between knowledge and creativity, which one is more important? As far as I considered, knowledge is just based on imagination and fantasy of the people in the past. So we apparently draw the conclusion that ability of creativity is more critical for us than the capability of absorb certain positive knowledge.
語言修改
Between knowledge and creativity, which one is more important? As far as I am concerned, knowledge is based on the imagination and fantasy of people in the past. Therefore, we can draw the conclusion that creativity is more critical than the absorption of certain knowledge.
本段評點
結(jié)尾段簡單地重復了第一段的意思，仍舊是說知識是建立在想象和幻想的基礎上的，而且自身段落中的兩句話在意思上也是重復的。這樣的結(jié)尾段不是很有力，給讀者的感覺是可有可無，沒有起到突出強化自己論點的作用。
對這篇SAT寫作范文的總評
這篇SAT寫作范文開頭段采用疑問句的方式，這樣可以吸引閱卷人的注意力，引起興趣。但本文的最大亮點在于中間舉例很生動，而且全面。文章一共舉了兩個例子，第一個例子是愛迪生靠想像力發(fā)明了燈泡，第二個例子是荷蘭著名畫家梵高充滿想像力的名畫《星空》。兩個例子一個講科學家，一個講藝術家，都強調(diào)了想像力的重要性，支持了作者的觀點。
下面講一點這篇SAT寫作范文的缺點。開頭段應該是作者提出自己的論點的段落，下文要舉出具體的事例支持相應的論點。作者在這里用了兩個so開頭的長句子，讓讀者感覺好像前文已經(jīng)論證，這里能得出結(jié)論了似的，而且作者的觀點有嚴重的邏輯錯誤。
總體而言，這篇SAT寫作范文存在一定的問題，特別需要修改第一段，使其能夠開宗明義，即明確提出自己合乎邏輯的論點，然后再用生動具體的例子娓娓道來，即論證支持自己的觀點。
這里是文章的開頭段，前面沒有任何的論證和推理，何來So呢?不要在句子的開頭就用so，因為這時候沒有因此可言。
So引導的表示結(jié)果的句子一般放在表示原因的句子的后面，單句不要以so開頭，上下文之間可以用therefore表結(jié)果。
原文用了that is theres 顯得過于冗贅，直接用without表示在沒有的情況下使句子簡潔。例如，Without your help we could not have finished the work. 比If you had not helped us, we could not have finished the work.更加簡練。
這里沒有必要用the inventor of it而且用了這個結(jié)構(gòu)還導致了后面不得不用一個who引導的定語從句，使整句話啰嗦。換一種說法：Its inventor Edison created many things we are using today.
Invented是不對的，因為help的結(jié)構(gòu)是help sb. do sth.或help sb. to do sth.
Experiment通常和conduct, carry out, perform搭配表示做實驗。
As matter of fact在這里沒有表達任何有效信息。
Pen指的是用墨水或類似液體書寫、繪畫的工具，畫家用的畫筆應是brush.
Not onlybut also連接的是一組平行結(jié)構(gòu)，當用這組詞把平行成分連接起來，這個平行結(jié)構(gòu)所共有部分不用重復，如這里的need不用寫兩遍。
As far as I am concerned 一般用于提出自己與別人不同的觀點，用在此處不恰當。另外，Just用在這里不能表達知識恰恰是基于人們的想象的，如果非要表達正式基于此而非其他，可以改成Knowledge is based on nothing but the imagination and fantasy of people in the past.
不要用So引導的句子開頭。
以上就是對這篇SAT寫作范文的詳細點評，包括了每一段的點評和最后總的點評。這篇SAT寫作范文在寫作例子的應用上很成功，是大家可以借鑒的地方，而在寫作的結(jié)構(gòu)和語法的應用方面有一些欠缺，是大家需要避免的地方。
