SAT作文修改實(shí)例講解
學(xué)生習(xí)作1：
On the thesis, one may have doubt since not all the memories are sweet. But I insist that even the bad ones can offer help. For instance, during my winter vacation in Junior, I lost a cell phone that I had used for more than two years. That was the day before the Spring Festival, the most important festival for reunion in China. I was in a good mood at that time because I was going to shoot some photos with my aunt. There were many people in the store. 3I felt a little crowded. It was the time when we were choosing the frames that my cell phone was stolen. Too late did I realize the unfortunate fact. （營造記憶）
Afterwards, whenever I was in public, I paid extra attention to my personal possession such as my purse and mp4. Therefore, I havent lost any other things till now. I learned to be extremely careful from the horrible memory. （營造收獲）
分析：
1 during強(qiáng)調(diào)延續(xù)性，in強(qiáng)調(diào)一段時(shí)間里發(fā)生了一件事。所以此處應(yīng)該改成in.
2 文章采取倒敘手法，所以在2處感覺有一點(diǎn)奇怪，剛剛還是東西被盜，后來心情又好了。
3 不能是你覺得擠，只能是that place was a little crowded
4 文章的深刻度不夠，處于4-5分的水平，要拿更好的分?jǐn)?shù)，還得在深刻性上下功夫。個(gè)人例子特別適合以情動(dòng)人。
修改：
In my winter vacation in Junior, I went to shoot some photos with my aunt since the most important festival in China, namely, the Spring Festival was approaching. But the photo studio was full of people choosing clothes and making up. It was in such disorder that I lost my cell phone which I had used for two years. This unhappy event almost ruined my once-in-a-year celebration for I could hardly contact my friends and my teachers to have a get-together because I had never backed up their phone numbers before. （營造悲慘記憶）
So I began to, from that moment, form a habit of writing down the information of my friends and relatives on my notebook to ensure safety. And up to now, I have got my special address list, with my own notes attached to many numbers showing their relationship with me, their birthday and even their favorite food. For example, Lily, a confidant, likes bananas, born on May 1; Adam is just a fair-weather friend. Interestingly enough, now I find that I could not only recite most important numbers but also strengthened my ties with my true friends. （深化收獲）
學(xué)生習(xí)作1：
On the thesis, one may have doubt since not all the memories are sweet. But I insist that even the bad ones can offer help. For instance, during my winter vacation in Junior, I lost a cell phone that I had used for more than two years. That was the day before the Spring Festival, the most important festival for reunion in China. I was in a good mood at that time because I was going to shoot some photos with my aunt. There were many people in the store. 3I felt a little crowded. It was the time when we were choosing the frames that my cell phone was stolen. Too late did I realize the unfortunate fact. （營造記憶）
Afterwards, whenever I was in public, I paid extra attention to my personal possession such as my purse and mp4. Therefore, I havent lost any other things till now. I learned to be extremely careful from the horrible memory. （營造收獲）
分析：
1 during強(qiáng)調(diào)延續(xù)性，in強(qiáng)調(diào)一段時(shí)間里發(fā)生了一件事。所以此處應(yīng)該改成in.
2 文章采取倒敘手法，所以在2處感覺有一點(diǎn)奇怪，剛剛還是東西被盜，后來心情又好了。
3 不能是你覺得擠，只能是that place was a little crowded
4 文章的深刻度不夠，處于4-5分的水平，要拿更好的分?jǐn)?shù)，還得在深刻性上下功夫。個(gè)人例子特別適合以情動(dòng)人。
修改：
In my winter vacation in Junior, I went to shoot some photos with my aunt since the most important festival in China, namely, the Spring Festival was approaching. But the photo studio was full of people choosing clothes and making up. It was in such disorder that I lost my cell phone which I had used for two years. This unhappy event almost ruined my once-in-a-year celebration for I could hardly contact my friends and my teachers to have a get-together because I had never backed up their phone numbers before. （營造悲慘記憶）
So I began to, from that moment, form a habit of writing down the information of my friends and relatives on my notebook to ensure safety. And up to now, I have got my special address list, with my own notes attached to many numbers showing their relationship with me, their birthday and even their favorite food. For example, Lily, a confidant, likes bananas, born on May 1; Adam is just a fair-weather friend. Interestingly enough, now I find that I could not only recite most important numbers but also strengthened my ties with my true friends. （深化收獲）
