雅思真題作文點(diǎn)評(píng)：電視對(duì)青少年的影響

　　TV has become an indispensable pare of childrens lives nowadays, which 定語(yǔ)從句關(guān)系詞應(yīng)該跟先行詞挨在一起are made more colorful by all kinds of kids TV program. In this way, it is no denied denial / deny that children can learn many much knowledge which cant be accessed both at home and school, even though watching TV may do harm to childrens eyes. Therefore, I hold the point of view that parents and teachers should encourage children to watch TV regularly. 不錯(cuò)的開頭，因?yàn)閿[脫了模板，并且在引題的同時(shí)，通過擺出雙方分論點(diǎn)，讓開頭顯得很充實(shí)

　　For one thing, children are under stresses due to heavy studying loan at school, where in contrast, as a lively medium, TV can make children be refreshed from a days hard work and relax enables children get relieved from heavy load of schooling, so that more leisure time could be enjoyed. For example, many cartoons, on which children are really keen, not only tell interesting stories to children, but also can teach children how to distinguish beauty from natural ?, since the cartoon usually come from philosophy stories. 展開合理

　　for another, many parents are busy with their work and have no enough spare time to accompany their children, especially on weekend, so children can spend the alone time on watch TV. fill their time with Many kinds of TV programs, such Animal World, English Teaching Program, are very useful to help children to widen their horizons and learn more communication sills. Some parents do not always do these things very well.

　　呵呵，這里就有問題，大家發(fā)現(xiàn)沒有，這個(gè)可愛鴨鴨的分論點(diǎn)與下午展開是兩個(gè)方向的。主題句是說TV能代替家長(zhǎng)陪伴孩子，可下文是TV能開闊眼界哦。J非常常見的錯(cuò)誤。

　　In general, I suppose that TV can do help to improve childrens abilities in many aspects. But, it is still awareness that both parents and teachers should prevent children from being addicted in to TV program, by guiding them how to select significant and healthy TV program and make an scheme when watching TV or go out to play and to keep fit. , making schedule allocating time in a reasonable way. 好結(jié)尾，不空洞，有內(nèi)容，并且有點(diǎn)商榷的意思，通過家長(zhǎng)的監(jiān)督，將TV的負(fù)面影響減少到最少，8錯(cuò)8錯(cuò)!!!

　　總而言之，這篇文章思路清晰，結(jié)構(gòu)合理，如果能多加一個(gè)分論點(diǎn)更好。

　　最重要的是作者沒有簡(jiǎn)單討論TV好壞，而是緊緊抓住題目中的Study, 盡管中間段落擴(kuò)展有點(diǎn)問題，但是我認(rèn)為6分是能夠達(dá)到滴。

　　此外，語(yǔ)言盡管有些小的語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，但是并沒有太多造成理解的障礙，屬于可以挽救的范圍之內(nèi)。

　　TV has become an indispensable pare of childrens lives nowadays, which 定語(yǔ)從句關(guān)系詞應(yīng)該跟先行詞挨在一起are made more colorful by all kinds of kids TV program. In this way, it is no denied denial / deny that children can learn many much knowledge which cant be accessed both at home and school, even though watching TV may do harm to childrens eyes. Therefore, I hold the point of view that parents and teachers should encourage children to watch TV regularly. 不錯(cuò)的開頭，因?yàn)閿[脫了模板，并且在引題的同時(shí)，通過擺出雙方分論點(diǎn)，讓開頭顯得很充實(shí)

　　For one thing, children are under stresses due to heavy studying loan at school, where in contrast, as a lively medium, TV can make children be refreshed from a days hard work and relax enables children get relieved from heavy load of schooling, so that more leisure time could be enjoyed. For example, many cartoons, on which children are really keen, not only tell interesting stories to children, but also can teach children how to distinguish beauty from natural ?, since the cartoon usually come from philosophy stories. 展開合理

　　for another, many parents are busy with their work and have no enough spare time to accompany their children, especially on weekend, so children can spend the alone time on watch TV. fill their time with Many kinds of TV programs, such Animal World, English Teaching Program, are very useful to help children to widen their horizons and learn more communication sills. Some parents do not always do these things very well.

　　呵呵，這里就有問題，大家發(fā)現(xiàn)沒有，這個(gè)可愛鴨鴨的分論點(diǎn)與下午展開是兩個(gè)方向的。主題句是說TV能代替家長(zhǎng)陪伴孩子，可下文是TV能開闊眼界哦。J非常常見的錯(cuò)誤。

　　In general, I suppose that TV can do help to improve childrens abilities in many aspects. But, it is still awareness that both parents and teachers should prevent children from being addicted in to TV program, by guiding them how to select significant and healthy TV program and make an scheme when watching TV or go out to play and to keep fit. , making schedule allocating time in a reasonable way. 好結(jié)尾，不空洞，有內(nèi)容，并且有點(diǎn)商榷的意思，通過家長(zhǎng)的監(jiān)督，將TV的負(fù)面影響減少到最少，8錯(cuò)8錯(cuò)!!!

　　總而言之，這篇文章思路清晰，結(jié)構(gòu)合理，如果能多加一個(gè)分論點(diǎn)更好。

　　最重要的是作者沒有簡(jiǎn)單討論TV好壞，而是緊緊抓住題目中的Study, 盡管中間段落擴(kuò)展有點(diǎn)問題，但是我認(rèn)為6分是能夠達(dá)到滴。

　　此外，語(yǔ)言盡管有些小的語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，但是并沒有太多造成理解的障礙，屬于可以挽救的范圍之內(nèi)。